Fundraising for my Father (Elevate Lifestyle Magazine, July 2012 Issue)

Three years ago, I wrote about my experience as a novice runner, training for and competing in the ING Miami Half Marathon. On March 22nd of this year, I received the news that my father’s battle from a stroke he suffered in 2004 had come to an end. Seeing as I had already planned on running the ING Miami again, coupled with the fact that my father is now gone, I am planning on linking the two by fundraising for a charity in his honor in conjunction with this race.


To continue reading:
http://www.elevatelifestyle.com/magazine/v/fundraising-for-my-father/

End of the HCG Diet

It's over! The 45-day diet is a wrap and I am rejoicing but not due to the increasing caloric intake, but because I no longer have to keep track of taking my drops three times a day. Throughout this diet, I kept a small "travel size" bottle in my daytime purse (whichever one that was) and kept a larger bottle at home among my vitamins. I set 6 alarms in my phone that would sound at certain times on weekdays versus weekends, only to remind me when to stop eating/drinking and when to take my dosage of drops. Needless to say, I am enjoying not being glued to my phone anymore.

Overall, I lost 12 pounds on the diet...but was disappointed. I wanted to lose so much more than that so I beat myself up about it! "If only I hadn't eaten this..." or "If I hadn't drank that...". But now, I am at peace! I noticed last night that I don't eat such large portions anymore and am feeling content quicker. Also, I must say that it feels good to be wearing pants that I haven't been able to wear all year! I still plan to lose another 12lbs but with exercise and diet control...you know, the old-fashioned way. So even though I am not at my target weight goal today, I remain very pleased with the HCG Diet Package and would recommend it to anyone.

For information on the HCG Diet visit http://www.hcgdietpackage.com/ .

Day 36 -- HCG Diet

This past week's weight was certainly all over the scale! I would gain ounces, lose a pound, gain three pounds, lose two ounces, it just kept fluctuating. With only a week left, I won't be waltzing through the finish line, oh no; I am going to run as fast as I can and with all of my might! I am going to fight and push through until the finish!

And the determination has already begun. Though exercising is not recommended, I have been getting back into the habit of taking Zumba classes, using the Elliptical machine, lifting weights and walking more. Perhaps some of my exercises are creating muscle? Who knows. What I do know is that I hope to lose another 8 pounds by Thursday morning. A hefty goal yes, but I am behind the curve. A little self-pushing can't hurt, right?

• Total weight lost = 11.6 lbs
• 4.2 lbs lost last week
• Difference of measurements of my chest, arm, waist & thigh from last week:
• Chest: Remained the same
• Arms: -0.4
• Waist: -0.4
• Thigh: -0.7
• Abiding by daily doses of HCG drops = Yes
• Cups of water consumed daily = 4-5, 24oz cups at work daily, more at home
• Any aches or pains = No
• Any cheating? Occasional cheating occurs. It gets harder NOT to cheat during certain times of the month [hint, hint]. ARG!!

3 Months

The first trimester of anything I can think of, tends to be a critical time. The first 3 months in a new job is an important time for punctuality, displaying an ability to learn or adapt, wearing your best suits and exhibiting your diligence as a hard worker. The first 3 months of a pregnancy is often a time for miscarriages so one must be cautious and focused on being of good health. The first 3 months of a relationship (and often extended to 6 months or a year) is when you get to know someone and learn their habits, their likes, their desires and goals in life. The first 3 months is a time for monitoring. It is a time for change or growth.

Tomorrow marks exactly 3 months since Daddy died. Father’s Day was Sunday. As my sister put it in a beautiful card she mailed, it was our “First Father-less Day”. It’s the first of many, really. When speaking with an ex whom had also lost his father (many years ago), I asked him “when does it get better? When is it bearable?” He answered honestly, “it depends. Everyone is different…for me, I would say it was 2-3 years.” I know he is right. There will be a day when Father’s Day Sale emails from Nordstrom won’t bother me. Perhaps I won’t even notice.

These first 3 months for me have been turbulent, for lack of a better word. I had moments where I felt unsettled, moments when I would erupt with tears while on a highway for no apparent reason, moments when I don’t think about it at all. I am beginning to ask myself some questions and am hoping for comfort in the near future. My daddy’s nurse sent me a text the other day, saying that she misses him every day. I don’t miss my father every day. I think about him every day, yes. I reflect on past memories just about all the time, yes. Some days, I’ll just stare at his pictures in my house and wish I could have another “difficult conversation” with him, as I used to complain about having to myself in the past. I think about revisiting my true home of Jamaica and not going to my grandparents’ house, where he lived. I have friends that are getting married and with all of their planning, I can’t help but think that he will never know me as Mrs. Anybody, and I am saddened. All of this makes me sad just about every day but I don’t truly “miss” him because I know he is no longer suffering. His 7 years of suffering is over and I am happy for that. That certainly beats my 3 months of turbulence.

Day 29--HCG Diet

I am still very proud of my progress but I would be lying if I said I wasn't slightly disappointed. I was hoping to have been halfway to my goal by this date. A vicious goal? Perhaps. But the purpose of this diet is to lose a pound a day, minus the first two stuff-your-face days that they recommend. I figured with a few "cheat" moments, I still would have at least lost 20 by now.

What I am learning however, is that weight is being lost and probably at a healthier pace. I have also noticed that on the days that I don't drink as much water as I should, I don't lose nearly as much weight as I should (thanks for the reminder, Michelle!). I am reminding myself that these are all lessons I am learning along the way and my goal is still attainable. 16 days left!!

• Total weight lost = 9.2 lbs
• 2.4 lbs were lost last week
• Difference of measurements of my chest, arm, waist & thigh from last week:
• Chest: Remained the same
• Arms: -0.7
• Waist: -0.7
• Thigh:  -1.0 
• Abiding by daily doses of HCG drops = check, though it's still harder to remember the 3rd dosage due to nightly social activities
• Cups of water consumed today = half of one (it's still early though!)
• Any aches or pains? They're becoming few, actually. I don't feel hunger pains as much anymore
• Any cheating? Occasionally but not nearly as much...then there's the "accidental cheat" (that had corn in it?!)

Day 22 -- HCG Diet

Week 3 was tough.

I constantly had cravings for the enemy (chocolate) and still felt slightly hungry after eating meals, so I found myself cheating. I even broke down a couple of times by spoon-feeding myself dumb logic that "if they're chocolate covered raisins, they can't be that bad for you. I mean, they're raisins!"
Yes, I stooped that low.

But, I am occasionally very self-aware so I know that my desire for my comfort-food-go-to has augmented probably due to the impending arrival of Father's Day on Sunday. Thankfully, I have been losing inches even though I have disobediently maintained my weight for the past 2 days (as seen below). As I begin my 4th week, I will work harder on ignoring the urges to "cheat just a little" each day and remember my goal. I have done really well thus far, so why turn back now?

• Total weight lost = 7.6 lbs
• Take measurements of my chest, arm, waist & thigh = check
• Chest: -0.5
• Arms: -0.3
• Waist: +0.2
• Thigh: -0.4 
• Abiding by daily doses of HCG drops = check, though it's getting harder to remember the 3rd dosage due to nightly social activities
• Cups of water consumed today = 0 (currently having my morning tea)
• Any aches or pains? Hunger pains & headaches but only when hungry
• Any cheating? YES. I was bad this week.

Day 8 -- HCG Diet

Eureka! I am losing weight, folks!

I am so happy to see minor changes occur! Though I don't see anything drastic, I do feel lighter (may be mental?) and am starting to feel like this is possible. For years now, I would lose a few pounds here and there after running/training for races, then go right back to emotionally eating at my desk job. I am happy to see that I am jump starting my system into a more healthy weight and way of living.

• Total weight lost = 5.2 lbs (2.6 lost yesterday!)
• Take measurements of my waist, arm & thigh = check
• Chest: -1.5in
• Arms: -1 in
• Waist: Remained the same
• Thighs: +0.8 in
• Abiding by daily doses of HCG drops = check
• Cups of water consumed today = 0 (currently drinking herbal tea with breakfast)
• Any aches or pains? No, just occasional hunger
• Any cheating = Half of a bagel, nothing on it

Now if only I could stop focusing on my diet and work on my book!

Day 6 -- HCG Diet

Earlier this morning, I daydreamed smelling Cinnamon Raisin Bagels.

When one "daydreams a smell", it is when you are suddenly hit with a fabricated scent that your brain is sending to your nostrils. I literally sat at my desk and had to convince myself that there were no bagels around and that it was all in my head even though I actually could taste it in my mind.

It is funny how powerful the mind can be when you are on a low-calorie, very strict diet. But overall, I am feeling well. I feel hungry at times but not horribly starving nor do I have my usual headache that accompanies my hunger. I did a little exercise on Sunday and felt great afterwards and generally have been monitoring my food intake, trying to stay within the guidelines of this madness. But I must admit that I am enjoying finding creative ways of cooking without certain ingredients (no oil with the Tilapia? Use Chardonnay!) and find that once I can get passed the breakfast hunger, that lunch and dinner becomes easier! 39 days left!

Updates:

• Weight lost thus far = 3.6 lbs since Saturday (today is Tuesday)
• Take measurements of my waist, arm & thigh = To be done on Thursday
• Abiding by daily doses of HCG drops = check
• Any aches or pains? Nope, just occasional hunger
• Cups of water today thus far = 2
• Any cheating = Burger bun on Sunday, 1 beer*, Sprite (with my vodka)

*I'm not sure if beer is allowed; I will have to research this.

Day 1 -- HCG Diet

I have a new respect for those dieters on those late night commercials that offer up their pre- and post- diet figures in pictures for the nation to see. I had to take pictures of myself this morning and would dare not post them on this blog, much less for television viewers! How do they muster up the courage to do it?!

Today I began the HCG Diet. It is a low-calorie intake, very strict diet that will last for a minimum of 15 days but a maximum of 45 days. I am shooting for 45. The only reason I may cut this short is due to an upcoming trip to Las Vegas. I just might need all of my calories for that trip...

As the saying goes, so far so good! But then again, today and tomorrow are the "indulge days": I get to load up on all of the carbs, sugars, bad-for-you pizza and late-night-ice cream cravings I want! Come day 3, I may be singing a different tune, we will see.

Today's tasks:

• Weigh myself in the morning = check
• Take measurements of my waist, arm & thigh = check
• Take the daily dose of HCG Diet drops = check*
• Any aches or pains? Minimal stomach cramping that lasted 3-5 minutes
• Drink lots of water = check
• Eat lots of crap = check

Yup...so far, so good!

*My third dose of drops are to be taken this evening

Divas 1/2 Marathon

After a cold, bleak two days, my mother & I ran the Divas 1/2 Marathon on a beautiful Sunday morning in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. We were up before the sun along with 4,400 other anxious women to embark on 13.1 fairly flat miles.

This year began with a turbulent take-off. Now it feels like this ride I am on has leveled off and is coasting in the right direction, beginning with this past weekend's difficult but fun race with my mother, almost exactly two months after the death of my father:

Another Moment in Monique's Mind...

Finding the motivation to write when you feel mentally exhausted is difficult. Finding the words to articulate what your already mentally exhausted self is feeling, well, that's a challenge.

Lately I've been wondering what my motivation has been behind certain decisions that I've made. The other day, I sat on my couch and stared at my television. Not because I was watching anything interesting but because I did not have the energy nor the desire to get up and do anything else. Instead of being productive or doing things of value around my house or with myself, I have been simply existing. I feel like I'm in a slump. A grim, empty slump to be exact.

This weekend, I hope to turn this continuing nose-dive into an ascension of positive growth. I am running the Divas 1/2 Marathon Race in Myrtle Beach, SC with my mother. Though I haven't been training as often as I should have been, I am still excited to attend this race and hopeful that it will give me the push I need to get my mind back on track. For the past month and 26 days have created this fog that just sits over me. It literally just SITS there! I don't know when the sun is going to peek through; I don't know if it's going to rain. I just walk around with it draping its dreary sentiments over me and frankly, it's time to part the clouds. I have a great life that is exciting and fun and I am missing it. I am blessed to have wonderful people in my life and I am missing them. It is time for a change.

Undesired

Yesterday I read a list of the Best Cities for Women on the Huffington Post. The city I reside in was not on the list at all. The criteria was based on educational attainment, annual salary and life expectancy. Ouch. That's three fourths of the areas I deem quite important! Thankfully the fourth area, "dating life", was not included on the list. Then again, maybe that's not a good thing...

A part of me wonders if Charlotte, NC would have made the cut if the Huffington Post list focused on or included dating. The other part of me KNOWS that the 'Queen City' certainly would not have made the cut if I had to judge from my own personal experience. Sorry fellas, but it is true.

Charlotte is a nice city to live in for the most part. I used to detest this place having relocated against my will from Miami, but over the years I have seen a growth in a positive direction...a growth that has rendered me stationary since 1994.

A Moment in Monique's Mind...

At 7:11am on Thursday, March 22, 2012, I got a call from my father's caretaker saying that my father passed away.


I've been trying to decide whether or not I wanted to write about my feelings publicly or not. I think that some of what I'm feeling will be kept private but there are some things that I don't mind sharing on my blog. Like the fact that I am doing horribly at sharing at all. This is because I have managed to avoid dealing with the circumstance altogether. You can call me Queen Monique of Avoidance! Now here it is, a month after my father's passing and I have come to this realization. Last week, my sister asked me if I've dealt with everything that has happened and while my initial reaction was to snap back, "of course! I'm faced with it everyday," I realized that giving that response would not be completely true.

Instead, I gave her words some thought. I noticed that I couldn't recall the last time I spoke about it. I remembered the last time I cried but I cried because of a card I received in the mail, then I promptly wiped away my tears and reclosed the emotional door to my heart.

In my defense, I have been quite distracted. This could either be a good or bad thing. I have had assignments to focus on, my job to focus on, and a chain of ailments that have garnered my attention. I fear though, that once the distractions dissipate, I will be left with the residue of his death and a volcanic emotional erruption will occur. That can't be good.

"What do you do to relieve stress and get through hard times?" I was asked by a friend of mine. I paused. I then hesitated before responding honestly, "I don't know. I've never had to deal with something of this magnitude. I guess I should write." He then asked, "why not dance?"

"Dancing is fun but it's not a true release for me, it's more like another distraction. Like therapeutic shopping," I said.

"So then write" he said calmly and ever so clearly, as if it were obvious. It resonated in my head for the next five seconds before I knodded in agreement.

The next afternoon I got a text message that read, "Don't 4get to write."

So I'm here, writing. I'm also writing in my journal but I tend to do that at night, which isn't always beneficial when I'm going through my day, carrying my thoughts and gaining more thoughts. I've coined this post "A Moment in Monique's Mind" and will name future posts this as well, as it will be a moment to take a personal break into the thoughts that haunt my brain.

Right now, I am going to figure out how to deal with all of this because doing the proverbial sweep under the rug accomplishes nothing. "Unfortunately Monique, you're just like your father that way. That's exactly how he dealt with things. You two are so much alike", said my mother.

Well then...I have some work to do.