2nd Chances

Today, I was accused of being selfish and for being too caught up in my own world's problems, that I don't always reach out and speak to the people with whom I should make time to speak. Though I found that accusation a tad harsh because I don't believe I'm selfish at all, there is some tiny truth to it...

Recently, I began dating again. After years of being "on & off" with someone I thought I'd be "on" with forever, I realized the truth that was in front of me (i.e. we weren't meant to be) and moved on. I then met someone who was not what I would typically gravitate towards aesthetically but I was very much attracted to him and we hit it off immediately (probably because his personality was EXACTLY what I typically gravitated towards)! It was clear that he was as into me as I was with him, when after only a week of dating, he asked that we became exclusive. And then only after a couple of months of dating, he told me he loved me. Things were progressing quickly but I was in it and happy.

I could go on and on about our "love story" but it would be a moot point because this dreamy guy that I met and fell for quite quickly was a liar. A manipulative con artist, in fact. He knew how to turn things around on me, how to avoid fights, how to live a secret life with me all while living an open life with his fiancée...

... And infant child.

I was so hurt. I am so hurt. How could someone lie so flagrantly and without any apology? In my journey to move on once again, someone who -quite honestly blew me off once- said to me, "thank you for being open to second chances" and I froze. How did I become so open to second chances? How is it that I allow some people the opportunity for a do-over? Or am I just forgiving & forgetting?

Part of the problem is that I am a serial repeater. Often times I believe in the good in people and that time can bring maturity, that I believe in the chance that things will be different the second time around. I don't do this with everyone because there are some whose wounds still run too deeply that I couldn't even allow the thought of a repeat, even if I wanted to entertain it (like with Mr. Con-Artist). But then there are some, like my "on & off" guy, that I believed in.

I sincerely pray that I don't lose that endless hope I have because it keeps me sane. It keeps me from becoming jaded and angry and scarred. But I do recognize that I need to turn my repeat setting to OFF.  

I've been so involved in my own reality show drama that I've apparently become neglectful to those that have always been here for me and that TRULY love me, and that's unfair. So I apologized after the accusation was made and can only hope that with my second chance, I'll become a better person.

The eternal optimist,
*M*

Perceptions of beauty

I saw this comic on tallncurly.com about what people say when one straightens one's hair:

It depicted some of the comments a naturally curly/kinky haired girl would have to endure, after blow-drying her hair straight. It was written as a week's worth of "compliments", so this was one of the days featured in the strip. 

This picture really stood out to me because I too recently straightened my hair. I did it for my birthday... To just, have a different look for my pending celebrations of life; to try something new; to give myself a rest; to get my hair trimmed. Whatever my excuse, I enjoyed feeling each hair strand move whenever I moved. I enjoyed wrapping my hair at night, letting it loose in the morning without even having to brush it and it was "perfect." I enjoyed the little things, like being able to simply slide my sunglasses up my face while directly pushing back my hair, without breaking the sunglasses itself (you see, I've learned to take off the sunglasses and force them into my curly mane by shimmying them down into the scalp, forging room for them to sit comfortably, all while hoping I can get them out when I'm ready). I enjoyed last-minute ponytails. I enjoyed these benefits straight hair has... The benefits I've always known, having grown up with relaxed hair. 

What I didn't enjoy were some of the comments. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE compliments. I take each of them as genuine thoughts and appreciate them all, no matter if I've heard "you look nice today" 437 times. I never take them for granted because let's be honest, no one HAS to say anything nice to anyone. It's not a law in life, for being courteous nor for good manners:  It's something extra, that you thought to say, and it came from a good place in your heart. That's love. That's God. It's probably a tad too deep but it's how I feel, so I appreciate each compliment for those reasons. 

But to repetitively hear, "you look nice like that!" can make a girl feel ugly... (But only in her natural state of course; not when it's straight like Kim Kardashian's). To hear, "you should do your hair like that ALL the time," can make a girl fee like 'well damn... It won't always be straight like this, so now what?' Even Beyoncé spends her morning sitting in hair & makeup for 5 hours to sing a song about how she "woke up like dis" (sorry Bey Hive, but it's true). What kind of message are we sending by openly saying to someone, "you're so beautiful with your hair like that"?

There's a fine line here and I recognize that. Some of the comments were sincere compliments because I don't straighten my hair often & therefore it IS a different look entirely and not to be taken as reverse criticism as to what I look like with curly hair. This I know and appreciate. 

What has been interesting to see however, are the lack of compliments now that I'm curly again. It's 

Iike those scenes in old western movies, when there's a deserted town except for that one tumbleweed blowing across the terrain.... That represents the number of compliments I've received! I'm actually laughing but it's true... I can't find one compliment on the horizon! And just so you know, I laugh because I don't take it seriously; I write about it because I'm fascinated by the topic. 

I allowed some of the comments to get in a little and suddenly found myself figuring out how I'm going to straighten my hair more without sustaining the inevitable heat damage. I found myself believing that I was prettier that way and didn't wash my hair for 2 WEEKS in order to keep my hair bone straight i.e. beautiful. I got sucked in, I did. I'm human. I care. But really, we're just discussing perceptions of beauty. Normally, I think I'm beautiful both ways, so why let other perceptions cloud mine? And who knows, maybe people do think I'm ugly when I rock my natural hair and it's their right to have their opinion. Having curly hair (that occasionally gets straightened), somehow makes you subject to other people's hair opinions... Who knew! So, I have to be okay with that because due to my hair choices, people will continually place their "yays" and "nays" on me, warranted or not. Life was never like this when I had relaxed hair....

Tallncurly's comic strip ended with the reminder that the people that love you -that truly love you- will love you no matter what. Now THAT is beautiful. 

What's your perception of beauty?

*M*

P.S. 

See the entire aforementioned strip here: http://tallncurly.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/tallncurly_justoneofthesestraightweeks.jpg

P.P.S

Here I am.... Tall, curly and straight :)

København

Not once did I imagine I'd visit this beautiful city but I'm here! When I arrived on Thursday, I wasn't sure what to expect but I was excited. Before we landed, I passed over a bridge...to nowhere. I was so confused and fascinated! Where is this bridge coming from and where is it going?? The bridge's landing was on an island... But the island was bare. I mean, it was literally a small piece of land and that was IT. Where were the cars going? How were the cars simply disappearing into the ocean/island like that?? So many questions...

I disembarked and noticed how clean and modern the airport looked. I made my way through the baggage claim, out the exit doors and did not see my name on a sign! No one was there to pick me up. Did they forget I was coming a day early? Was the weekend trip cancelled and I didn't get the memo? I had so many questions. 

After searching through all of my email accounts only to not find any correspondences, I found a phone number in an email signature and called for someone to assist me. They informed me that I "should have  been told that no one was picking me up because I came a day earlier than the rest." 

Though quite unhappy, I decided to inquire about other transportation options. I took a cab to the very swanky Imperial Hotel that I was staying at, in the centre of "København" or Copenhagen, as we call it. When I walked into the lobby, two people staring at me suspiciously said, "Monique?" 

"Yes! That's me!" I exclaimed happily. 

They were my tour directors. They were reminded... Ahem, I mean notified, of my arrival. So, they were in the lobby to greet me and assist with getting me checked in. 

"I will need your card to put a $1,000 hold on it for incidentals", the hotel's receptionist requested of me. 

"Umm... I only have my debit card with me and I don't have that kind of money on it!" I shrieked. 

"Well... I'm sorry but I'm going to need something Madame."

I immediately shot a look at my tour directors as if to say, what are you going to do about this?? You didn't even pick me up at the airport due to your lack of communication and now they want $1,000 from me!? Do something people!!

I was not happy. 

One of the tour directors stepped in before the daggers shot from my eyes and placed his card down for me before joking, "don't go crazy with the mini bar."

My time in the city was a fun one. Over the next 24 hours, people began trickling in from different parts of the USA to partake in this Teacher Appreciation Weekend. We went on many walks through town, visited (& ascended) the Round Tower, went on boat tours, bike tours and I finally saw the little Mermaid statue that I've been dyyyyying to see! Spoiler alert:  She's a lot smaller than you might have imagined. 

I made friends and surprisingly the tour directors, guides and the tour itself ended up being a lot more casual than I envisioned! We even went out to experience the nightlife. We had an amazing time! 

Another amazing thing that happened was that I was able to meet up with a family friend. She's a Dane who lived in Jamaica with my family as an exchange student back in the 90s. We've kept in touch thanks to social media but nothing beats one-on-one interaction! We were merely kids when we last saw each other, so to meet again now was truly wonderful. 

Overall, a splendid vacation. I enjoyed it so much! Copenhagen is a beautiful city that I would visit again!

PS-- on one of the tours, I discovered that the bridge I saw from the plane on my way to Copenhagen,  was the bridge & tunnel to Sweden! From Denmark, there is an underwater tunnel that then emerges above the Sound (water where the Baltic & North seas meet). The bridge then continues into Sweden!

OXOX,

M

A stop during the bike tour:

View from the back of our boat:

Kronberg castle:

Dinner with my dear friend:

The Little Mermaid:

Famous street where Hans Christian Anderson lived:

Venezia

Oh Venice... How I love thee. 

This city is so picturesque. It's a great mix of a pedestrian style city and a leisure life by "the water", where people rely on boats instead of cars. Your taxi isn't the usual European choice of Mercedes Benz but instead, a slow-moving speed boat. A bus is a water bus, which runs every 10 minutes throughout the day and night. Every so often, an ambulance boat would speed by and it hits you...this city really does operate entirely by water!

Every corner there's a bridge with an amazing view of the canal! There are long corridors of buildings and very narrow streets. People live above the stores and thousands of tourists below. Their homes have petunias in window boxes above you. The people are friendly and accommodating, probably because they're used to the visitors. The summer is the busiest time of year for tourism which was evident in all of the people I saw and languages I heard! 

Which made me wonder.... How many people ACTUALLY live here though? I saw a university but no primary schools, no movie theatre, no everyday life stuff. I knew that there's a neighboring town on land called Venezia Mestre, so perhaps the citizens lived there? I wasn't sure so I looked it up!

Venezia facts:

1. The population of Venice Italy is 270,660 as of April 2010.

2. Venice has a higher population of women than men; men 47.4%, women 52.6%.

3. There are 2 movie theatres. 

4. Europeans travel a ton in August so I probably didn't see many native Venetians. 

The weather was perfect. We walked around Piazza San Marco, visited churches, bought some murano glass (http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murano_glass), chased pigeons, meandered. All throughout our Italian excursion, we've been rushing here & there, making sure that all sites were seen & digested but in Venice, we walked around without a purpose for a change...it was lovely.

If you like the sight of water, seafood and walking, you'll love Venice!

OXOX,

*M*

The train from Florence takes you right onto the main Venice island:

Just a view from one of the city's random bridges:

Taking a photo break with my little cousin-to-be:

Firenze

We left sunny Rome for a rainy Florence on Sunday the 3rd. I now know what it feels like to be completely drenched while being fully clothed. It sucks. Then add the feeling of dragging your luggage down cobblestone streets trying to find your hotel and, well...That just takes the annoyance one might feel to another level. 

For the past 13years, I thought I had seen Michelangelo's "David" standing outside in some piazza among other statues. However, the original David is located inside the Accademia which is not open on Mondays. We were leaving Florence on Tuesday, which meant that Sunday -our rainy arrival day- was all we had to see David. Did I mention it was pouring and we arrived drenched? So, we had to quickly change, find dry clothes out of our luggage & make our way to the Accademia in half an hour. The line was ridiculously long (only because all visits on the 1st Sunday of each month are free), but it moved quickly and let me just say, the original David is MUCH more impressive than it's replica! :)

Florence is a much cooler city than I realized. 13 years ago, I must've come on a holiday because the streets were dead. I spent a day there and did a day trip to Pisa, then was out of there faster than you can say "leaning tower". Now here we are over a decade later and I visited a museum, did some shopping, enjoyed some street entertainment and even went to a club! Much more to do now than during my previous visit. 

My family is having a ball. They've been enjoying the sites and Tuscany's leather goods, among other shopping! Now we are off to Venice!

OXOX,

M

Michelangelo's "David", after defeating Goliath:

Totally forgot that Pinochio is an Italian story... We had lunch here:

"Rape of the Sabine Women". A sculpture of an older man beneath a younger, stronger man who is grabbing a woman forcibly:

The Duomo:

Just because: